Of Manners and Hedgehogs: Building closeness by maintaining distance

This paper explores how the Japanese inhabitants of a densely populated urban neighbourhood negotiate proximity and distance in their social relationships. Based on ethnography of a community salon in the city of Osaka, the paper explores how topics and styles of conversation, modes of interaction between salon-goers, are constituted with respect to a pervasive concern for manners and for the emotions of others. Focusing on the importance of “form” and its relevance for morality, I argue that formality serves as an enabling device for creating new relationships among older Japanese, preserving sociality while protecting oneself and others from the burdens of emotion and excessive proximity. By focusing on the ethics of ‘doing things properly’ (chanto suru) I explore the relationship of manners and care. By taking manners into account, I turn my attention in this article to those relationships crafted and maintained amongst those to whom one is not very close, and with whom one may not wish to become intimate. In this way, I explore the question of how to treat well those towards whom one wishes to maintain distance. Or, in other words, how to care for those who are not one’s friends?