Working out relationships: research, education, and the quest for lasting love

Abstract

Relationship and Sex Education became compulsory in secondary schools from September 2020 with schools required to teach pupils about the characteristics of healthy relationships. Drawing on data from the Shackleton Relationships project, this article examines the key attributes of healthy, thriving relationships. It explores the evidence from interviews with 10 divorce lawyers/mediators (to identify common reasons for relationship breakdown); 45 couples interviewed as newly-weds in 2006 and at three other intervals over the first 10 years of marriage and 10 couples in long-term relationships (15+ years) of different forms (married, civil partners, cohabitants). Couples in thriving relationships had a strong foundation of friendship and teamwork. They had realistic expectations of the relationship. Although expressions of commitment differed, individuals were committed to each other. They worked at maintaining a good connection by talking regularly and being pragmatic and solution-focused in approaches to conflict. They were aware of their partner’s faults but viewed them as an intrinsically good person. Critically, they anticipated change and pulled together during stressful periods. Most had built supportive networks of family and friends. The implications of how these findings might inform a newly focused Relationship and Sex Education are considered.